March 11, 2011

1. Fall in love and be loved in return

Out of all of the ridiculous things on my list, I hate this one the most. And although I originally wanted to never change a thing on my list, I think I might with number one.

I made this list over a year ago and I’m in a much different mindset now. Before, I just wanted love so badly. I thought it could change me, I thought someone could save me. I hated me. I hated the situations I had put myself in. I wanted companionship, a relationship, something. I wanted someone to take care of me. I felt so low. 
It was naive of me to think like that. I think much differently now. The only person who can change you is yourself. You may be influenced by others and learn lessons from others, but only you have the power to make changes. 

I don’t like the term ‘love’. It’s scary and not necessary in a lot of cases. To be honest, I don’t even want it anymore. I don’t crave it like I used to. If it happens, that’s cool, but if not, that’s okay too. I’m more looking for the adventures and experiences in life than for love, specifically. 

No, I’ve still never had a boyfriend. I still don’t think I’ve even been on a legitimate date. That doesn’t really eat away at me anymore, though. There are still times that I feel insignificant and unloved and unimportant, but it’s not because I’ve never had romantic love.

I honestly don’t even know what I meant by ‘falling in love’. I don’t know how you can even gauge that sort of thing and decide when to cross it off. What the fuck, Alyssa.

Love and relationships and all that shit is more of an adventure to me now. A lesson in life, not a necessity. I don’t care anymore, not because of any specific situation that has happened to me, but because I’ve grown up.
Maybe I’ve also just gotten more scared, but that’s another story. It doesn’t matter. 

So, for all these reasons, I am changing number one on my list. It will now be:
1. Spend a whole day being peaceful and happy. No sadness or anxiety allowed. 

That might be even harder to cross off than the first idea I had. 

9:55am
Filed under: lists thoughts THE LIST 
February 10, 2011

I miss blogging. What happened?

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Actually, she wasn’t much of a girl. She was a cat-bat-moth-deer-octopus-owl-raccoon and sometimes many other things too. It got rather confusing at times.

31. Write a book

So so many ideas floating about with this one. In my art history class recently, I completely spaced out and thought about it all class period. I made up stories in my head and fashioned a half-fantasy, half-reality kind of world. I don’t remember one bit of the lecture that was going on. I did this often every class period. I dropped the class since then, but I’ll miss that imagination world I was stuck in.

My book will be this: A memoir kind of thing, but with some random fantastical elements thrown in. Where you’re not sure what’s real and what’s not. Lots of figurative language and magic thrown in, ala Francesca Lia Block. References to my paintings and drawings throughout the years. Simple sentences. Possibly in third person. Every person will have a name that I have assigned to them that somehow describes an aspect of their personality(I refuse to call it a nickname). 

Okay, the name thing is weird. I’ve actually been naming people in my mind for quite a while now. I’ve named a handful of people already. There’s The Realist, The Optimist, Sunflower, Chimera, Hurricane Child, Smoke, Breeze, Angel Parents, Polar Bear, The Experiment, Bones, Purple Bandana, Boots, Strawberry Soda, Beads, Sparkplug, Zipper, etc. And there are so so many more that I still need to name. I don’t know why, but it really helps my mentalness. Names have always been strange for me. 

Anyways.

It’s going to be tough to write. There are many memories of my past that I don’t remember and many that I don’t want to recall. And I would really love to write everything chronologically, but  different memories and stories come at different times. But it would be a wonderful cleansing thing for me. I need it. 

Fuck, it’s going to be weird. I don’t know how anyone will be able to follow it.

1:43pm
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: lists thoughts THE LIST 
January 31, 2011

3:04pm
(Notes: 1)
  
Filed under: THE LIST videos 
June 16, 2010
The List

List of things I would like to do before I die:
1. See an eclipse
2. Stay up late and watch a meteor shower with people I care about
3. Host a fancy dinner party for a holiday
4. Host a tea party  08-05-10
5. Be in an art gallery showing
6. Send a message in a bottle
7. Get a degree in art and theatre
8. Go wine-tasting for a day
9. Land an acting role that’s crazy and unexpected of me
10. Go to the Harry Potter theme park
11. Walk through a corn maze
12. Acquire an old car with lots of personality….
13. …and paint it
14. Direct a play
15. Take voice lessons
16. Model for a photo shoot  04-17-10
17. Have a garden
18. Go to Burning Man
19. Give strangers cookies and baked goods
20. Take a cooking class
21. Paint on public property
22. Smash something  09-03-10
23. Throw a surprise party
24. Make candles
25. Build a treehouse
26. Get a tattoo
27. Go to a chiropractor
28. Go to a masquerade ball
29. Stay up all night and watch the sun rise 04-08-11
30. Have a real canopy bed
31. Write a book
32. Ride an elephant
33. Go dog sledding
34. Make a vlog 01-31-11
35. Find out my real heritage
36. See a movie at a drive-in theater(without family this time) 06-09-11
37. Wrap Christmas lights all around the trees in my backyard
38. Get my teeth professionally whitened
39. Play Apples to Apples until all the cards run out 08-12-11
40. Learn glassblowing
41. Acquire a lawn flamingo 06-17-11
42. Stay at a hotel on New Year’s
43. Join a book club
44. Learn to meditate
45. Be a voice actor for something
46. Get an astrological star chart done
47. Stay at a really fancy spa resort
48. Make 1000 paper cranes 03-19-11
49. Make 1000 paper stars
50. Make an igloo
51. Buy the perfect red ‘Come on Eileen’ dress
52. Paint an entire wall with chalkboard paint
53. Move out 12-30-10
54. Get a book on cocktails
55. Ride a train
56. Join some kind of traveling troupe
57. Go mushroom hunting
58. Go to a Renaissance fair
59. Cosplay
60. Go on a hot air balloon ride
61. Make a giant blanket fort 02-17-11
62. Catch fireflies
63. Have a picnic on a roof
64. Learn to play at least three instruments
65. Throw darts at balloons filled with paint
66. Literally roll around in paint
67. Make truffles
68. See the Northern Lights
69. Stand behind a waterfall
70. Take a picture every day for a year
71. Have a cake fight 08-03-11
72. Make a latte foam design
73. Knit or crochet a creature 12-21-10
74. See a Cirque Du Soleil show
75. Leave post-it notes everywhere
76. Spend an entire day putting googly eyes on everything
77. Go backpacking
78. Go geocaching
79. Crack open a geode  05-17-11
80. Learn to say ‘hello’ in 25 different languages 
81. Have a sleepover on a trampoline 
82. Buy some fancy wine and have a picnic outdoors in the middle of the night  
83. Take rollerskating lessons 
84. Play Dungeons & Dragons 
85. Write and send letters to at least 10 different people 
86. Watch every movie that has won best picture
87. Sing karaoke in a bar 

12:50am
Filed under: 30 day challenge lists THE LIST